Ponderings and possibilities

Not knowing why
May 7, 2009, 9:45 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

The other title I was thinking of for this was “Expect the unexpected and be OK with it!”.

I thought  I was ready to charge forward at a great rate of knots, take ground for His Kingdom and do whatever it takes to close that gap between theory and practice.  That ugly big gap where things are closer in theory than they are in practice..  and then comes up a weird health issue that knock me off my perch and has me unable to operate on my “A” game.  It’s hard to be cheering and a light when headaches, dizziness and mood swings from chemical imbalances are ruining the day.

I don’t know what it is or why it is happening and for a while I was ignoring it, thinking I was was fine with not knowing, but there is a difference between ignoring something and really being ok with it.  I was supressing and confining something when what I should have been doing was praying through it each time it came up.  I didn’t want this thing to take over, but it boiled to the top anyway and here I am now beginning to really pray deeply and learn to leave this with the Lord.

I still wish I knew why..  am  i in sin, am i missing something God wants me to see, is it because my plan was not aligned with my family yet?  Why now when things looked like they are firing up and ready to launch?  Perhaps it is just an attempt to thwart things by you know who?

Whatever it is, I am leaning into the Rock who is my salvation and rejoicing in Him and trusting in Him that this is part of His good and perfect plan.  I need  to be OK without knowing what is wrong and why this is happening!   Rejoicing in Him always.

2 Samuel 2-7

“The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;

3 my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation.
He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior—
from violent men you save me.

4 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.

5 “The waves of death swirled about me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

6 The cords of the grave [b] coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.

7 In my distress I called to the LORD;
I called out to my God.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came to his ears.


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